Revenge
For the most part, living in Hawai’i means letting the constant references to how things are done “back in the States” roll off your back. Occasionally, however, they became a little too much to deal with. When that happened, I had a special revenge I would unleash on the ignorant.
Just south of Lahaina, is a block of condominiums whose design is every bit as inspired as that of any government office building. To top things off, the condo even flies a huge American flag over head. One day, a passenger asked one of our captains what the building was.
“Why, that’s the US embassy,” he responded.
“Oh,” said the passenger, buying the entire story hook, line and sinker.
Learning this, I was inspired. The next time passengers made one too many references to “back in the States,” I waited until we were approaching Lahaina, and the condos were coming into view.
“Ladies and gentlemen,” I announced loudly, “coming up on our right is the US embassy. As a reminder, our trip today has taken us out beyond the three-mile limit. That means you’ll be expected to present Hawai’ian immigration officials with your passport and visa upon return to the harbor. Failure to do so is a second-degree felony, punishable by a fine or no less than $5,0000 Hawai’ian dollars and imprisonment in the Imperial Hawai’ian labor colony and brothel for a period of no less than five years.”
You’d think divers would be smart enough to see right through that one — right? Guess again. Over half the passengers on the boat went into a state of total panic. Doh!
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